A Little Bit of Closure
by festival-chan loves books
Summary: Whatever Happened to Lani Garver? by Carol Plum-Ucci. Claire is, of course, still having trouble letting go.


_That's him._

I swear, it was him-

"Claire!" they yell after me, but I can't stop to explain, because _I swear I saw him_- Lani. And if I lose him again...

I push my way through the crowd milling about... I guess they think I'm crazy but I'm past any self-consciousness because if I can find Lani I'll know that he didn't die that... night.

A fluffy head of brown layered... angelic... hair stands above the rest of the crowd over to my left.

_There he is_.

I race after the person- "Hey, girl, watch it!" and "Oh!", yelling "Excuse me" all the way through.

"Lani... Lani! LANI!" I scream desperately. The head doesn't turn, so maybe it isn't him. Or maybe he didn't hear me. He's acting like he plans on exiting through the doors on the left, so I scramble my way across the tiled floor on legs that don't run very often.

_What was he? Was he really real? Is it even possible he's still alive?_ _Claire, he was human just like you_.

No, no, he wasn't human, he was my floating angel-

I wipe my eyes out of reflex with my sleeve, making them more red than they really should be.

_If it's Lani he won't care whether or not my eyes are red_. _Lani wasn't concerned with things like that_.

The fluffy-haired boy is walking slowly to the exit, and my legs are just about burning. I don't know how I spotted him from far away but the distance just seems to grow. Maybe it's my mind, maybe it's my legs, maybe it is the leukemia making me slow again.

No, not again...

I push myself harder, to run faster, and I shove more innocent bystanders out of the way.

"Lani!" I yell again, hoping against hope.

The head turns, and- yes! Those pink, cherubic cheeks! Those long lashes and big brown eyes! Those lips, yes! It's him!

"Lani!" I scream at him, tears flowing down my cheeks.

He blinks at me. "Claire?"

"Lani- it's me, Claire!" I say, crying still, debating whether or not to throw my arms around him.

He smiles. "Claire... you've got to move on..."

I blink. "What?"

He embraces me, and whispers in my ear. "I have other places that I need to go, and... Claire... I wanted to stay with you, I did. Don't think I didn't... you were a good friend, one of the best I've ever had... but you have things that you need to do- you have your music, and... I have... things to do. People to help."

Tears are still flowing down my cheeks. "Lani- no, please don't leave me, I already lost you once- I can't lose you again-"

His cheeks move up, and I think he's smiling against my cheek. How can he smile right now? "Claire, I'll visit you, someday... I promise."

"I'll go ages without knowing if you're dead or alive!" I scream at him, not caring that a group of onlookers is staring at us. "I can't handle that, Lani! What were you doing, that night? Did you swim to shore? Did you leave, did you take the bus like you planned for us, did you..." I can't even finish my sentence, I'm sobbing so hard.

"Sh... It's all right," he says, putting a finger against my lips. "It'll all make sense- it'll be okay, just stick with it-"

"NO!" I scream, completely hysterical. "No, Lani Garver! You're not leaving without an explanation ever again! At least- if you have to go..." I breathe in deeply. "Tell me, tell me where you're going... Don't do that to me, ever again... You have no idea... I dove in that ocean, so many times, looking for your stupid outfit and all I ever remembered were your eyes as-" He stops me.

"I'm... sorry, Claire. But... it's going to be okay. Really."

"I've missed you... so much. Lani, no one there understands me anymore."

"Sh, Claire. Walk with me for a little bit."

(I remember that I had been there with friends, who now have no idea where I am. But they'll understand. I think, anyway.)

"Where have you been? What have you been doing?"

He shrugs. "Helping people... I like to do that."

I smile. "That's why I need you around, stupid."

He smiles, too. "You don't, though. You don't need me as much as you think you do."

He still has his arm around me.

"How has your music been doing?"

"It's been recieved so well. I've been amazed," I say honestly. "It's fun. I love it. That's thanks to you, too."

"See? You'll make it, Claire."

Lani understands me like no one else, so I guess if he tells me I'm going to be okay, then I will be. But... I don't want to lose him. Not ever.

"Don't let me lose you, ever again," I say to him. He nods.

"I'll send you more postcards, Claire."

"Letters. Novels. Tell me everything, Lani. I want to make sure you're safe. I'm serious. Someday, visit me. Please?"

He smiles. "I've gotta say, Claire... I help a lot of people, but you... when I leave, they let me go. You don't."

"Do you usually die a horrible death in front of their eyes and look at them in your last seconds with a horrible expression on your face?"

"Well, no, but-"

"There you have it. What are you, anyway?"

"I told you. A floating angel. I even gave you the books on it."

I don't even bat an eye that he claims to be an angel. He _is _alive, after all. Whatever he is, he is Lani and I love him for it. "Well, I know... but why do you do what you do? How did you get to that position?"

He grins. "That's my Claire. Question after question after question after question... I do what I do because it makes me happy and I didn't get the position, it _is _my position."

At my look of confusion, he adds, "It's what I was born to do- like, you know how lions are born to hunt and some animals are meant to eat grass and others to eat meat?"

"...Yeah..."

"Well, I'm like an animal that is born to eat meat. It's what I do. You can't change it. I'm going to help people, no matter what I do, because it is me. I can't do anything about it, and for me to stop... well, that's like a lion eating grass. It isn't good for the lion and it isn't good for the grass and it isn't good for the zebras or the wildebeests or whatever lions eat."

I nod slowly. It makes sense.

"See? And keeping me in one place- it's like keeping a bird in the North during the winter."

"But... you will write, won't you?"

He nodded. I start to cry again.

"Claire... you're the best friend I ever had, and I have had a lot of good friends in my time," he said, seriously.

"You were my best friend, too, Lani... I've missed you, so much... you and your silly angel outfit and your crazy cross-dressing habits. Don't leave me again," I sob. I'm pretty sure I'm pitiful looking by now. My eyes are probably red, my hair messed up from running, but Lani- he looks at me like he always does.

Kindly and lovingly.

"I- I can't stay with you much longer," he said. "You're happy now. It- it isn't allowed."

"I'm happy because I'm with you, stupid."

"Well... you've got to stay a good person, Claire," he said solemnly. "Don't slip back. I'll be writing to you, okay?"

I nod. "Wait, Lani?" I ask. "Who was that second backpack for?"

"What does it matter, Claire?" He tries to evade my question.

"Lani, I'm so happy to see you... I needed you to be okay," I said, clutching him tighter.

"Claire, I'll always be okay."

"I need to know, though- those two backpacks... who were they for?"

"Claire, I've got to go... I can't stay forever with you, much as I'd like to."

"Huh? Lani, what's going on?" I'm confused. He's pulling away. And then I realize.

He's leaving me again.

"No- don't go-" I clutch him tighter and don't let go. The front of his shirt is all wet. Oops.

"Claire, you've got to let me go."

"Write to me."

"That's a promise."

"Tell me who that second backpack was for."

"Who else?" he asked, chuckling even as he gently detached me. "You. Why would I take anyone else?"

This kills me on the inside, that I missed that chance, but at least I know I had it now. "Come get me someday- take me out of there-"

"Claire, I don't think I can go back."

"Keep it a secret!"

"Claire- I want to- I really do- but I've got to go now, and there are other places I have to go... Claire, you'll have to let go of my shirt now."

He takes my hands in his again, and he pulls them away.

"Good girl. I promise... I'll write. Wherever you are. Don't worry... I'll find you again, someday, I think. I'm sure at least that I can manage. In real life, I'll see you."

"Real life? Wait, what is this, then? Lani?" He smiles, somehow sadly.

"Good morning, Claire," he says.

"Lani? LANI! WHAT?"

* * *

And that was when I woke up. Mom was calling my name. My pillow was still wet... maybe from my tears.

I guess... it was a dream. But it felt so real- his hands on mine- his soft shirt between my fingers- his skinny body against mine when I hugged him- the wind- running through the mall- pushing through all the people- I begin to sob again.

Maybe I'll go visit the pier again today. I wonder if someday he'll ever turn up.

"Claire! Claire! Something in the mail for you!" my mom called again, opening my door and barging into my room like she always does. She held up a postcard with a litle angel on it. I grab it out of her hands desperately. It can't be. There's no postage, like it just fell out of the sky into our mailbox.

_Told you so. _

_Love, Lani_

-THE END (or really maybe a beginning of sorts)-

* * *

AN- So I guess Lani was like... a floating angel that went to different places and just helped people by making them better people.

He had better still be alive. I think he lived, anyway. But I think if Claire ever found him, it wouldn't be in life- it would be in someplace like a dream or even in someone else. If that made any sense. She'd never see him in person, I think. But he would write her letters and stuff.

I also would like to think that even if Lani just left Claire all by herself then, it wasn't because he didn't care about her. Sometimes it seems like he doesn't... but he was so important to her, I'd like to think that she was just as important to him. Did he plan for her to leave with him? I haven't read the book in awhile, truly a shame- I borrowed it from a library when I was in another state and when I did have it, I read it two, three times in about one week. I couldn't put it down, even after I was done... It was _amazing _to me. It affected me in much the same way as Harry Potter and Naruto have. And it's stuck with me even though it was like, almost two years ago. But back to my original question- did he plan for her to leave with him? I can't remember whether or not he had two backpacks set up... I thought he did... I need to reread it. Dx

I'm rambling now.

Please review... :)


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